Puns

These are good, hope they'll give you  a chuckle!

     
> When chemists die, they barium.
>
> Jokes about German sausage are the
>         wurst.
>
> A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now
>         a seasoned veteran.
>
> I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
>         He says he can stop any time.
>
> How does Moses make his tea?
>         Hebrews it.
>
> I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then
>         it dawned on me.
>
> This girl said she recognized me from the
>         vegetarian club, but I'd never
> met herbivore.
>
> I'm reading a book
>         about anti-gravity. I can't put
> it down.
>
> I did a theatrical
>         performance about puns. It was a
> play on words.
>
> They told me I
>         had type A blood, but it was a
> Type-O.
>
> A dyslexic man walks into
>         a bra.
>
> PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
>
> Why were the
>         Indians here first?  They had
> reservations.
>
> Class trip to
>         the Coca-Cola factory.  I hope
> there's no pop
>         quiz.
>
> Energizer Bunny arrested.  Charged with
>         battery.
>
> I didn't like my beard at first.  Then it grew on
>         me.
>
> How do you make holy water?  Boil the hell out of
>         it!
>
> Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job
>         because she couldn't control her
> pupils?
>
> When you get a bladder
>         infection, urine trouble.
>
> What does a clock do when it's
>         hungry?  It goes back four
> seconds.
>
> I wondered why the
>         baseball was getting bigger.
> Then it hit me!
>
> Broken pencils
>         are pointless.
>
> I tried to catch some fog.  I mist.
>        
>
> What do you call a dinosaur with extensive vocabulary? A
>         thesaurus.
>
> England has no kidney bank, but it does have a 
>         Liverpool .
>
> I used to be a banker, but then I lost
>         interest.
>
> I dropped out of communism class because of lousy
>         Marx.
>
> All the toilets in  New York 's police stations have
>         been stolen. Police have nothing
> to go on.
>
> I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
>
> Haunted French pancakes give me
>         the crepes.
>
> Velcro - what a rip off!
>
> Cartoonist found dead
>         in home.  Details are sketchy.
>
> Earthquake in 
>         Washington ,  D.C. it’s
> obviously the government's fault.
>
> I
>         used to think I was indecisive,
> but now I'm not so sure.
>
> Be kind
>         to your dentist. He has
> fillings, too.__._,_.___